We're all mad here
by MLaw
Summary: "The Mad Mad Tea Party" for the Great Episode Challenge on Live Journal. Prompt: Kay Lorrison is about to marry Walter, in her words a "teddy bear" and "a very nice, dull, safe guy." At her disappearance, her teddy bear turns into a "wild grizzly." The questions:What happens to Kay and Walter? What explanation does she give him? Does she still marry him? Does she go back to work


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They watched on a security screen, Waverly, Solo and Kuryakin. All bemused as Kay Lorrison was released to her Walter out in Del Floria's, as he was about to be dragged off to the hoosegow by the police.

The meek, nice dull safe guy as Kay had described him, had turned into a snarling bear until she appeared.

"A satisfying ending for Miss Lorrison," Illya said.

"Considering you scared the bejesus out of her with your Rasputin act while questioning her today, she's doing pretty well," Napoleon retorted.

"Yes I was quite good and considering It achieved the desired results, it was worth it. She is none the worse for wear because of it. However if you do not like my methods of ...as you call it, 'playing the villain,' then perhaps you should take a turn at the role. I have done it far too often."

Napoleon smiled."That's because you do it so well."

He flicked a switch to an outside security camera and watched as Kay and Walter walked down the sidewalk, arm in arm.

A black sedan suddenly pulled up curbside, a door flung open and they observed Walter literally throw Kay into the back seat. He climbed in the passenger seat and the car took off.

Solo and Kuryakin were out into Del Floria's in a flash, their handguns drawn as they ran out the door, flying up the steps to the sidewalk.

Luckily the silver convertible was parked there, with the top down, and Illya lifted himself up, dropping into the driver's seat. He started the car, barely giving Napoleon enough time to climb in as well.

The tires burned rubber, sending clouds of smoke into the air as they squealed against the blacktop. Illya drove after the sedan like the madman he often was when it came to following a car in hot pursuit.

He hit the horn as he ran red lights, luckily traffic this time of night was at a minimum. There were only a few taxis to weave around until they caught up to the sedan.

They'd gone as far as Central Park, and surely the occupants of the sedan knew they were being followed. If they didn't they found out quickly as there at the Fifth Avenue entrance to the park, on East 59th/60th Street, Illya rammed the rear of the sedan.

He hit it with such force that It spun round. When coming to a stop the occupants exited; the driver, along with Walter dragging Kay by the wrist took off on foot.

Napoleon called to the woman as he and Illya followed them towards the park, their guns drawn.

"We'll get you, just stay calm!"'t change.

"Easy for you to say," she shouted back. Even in the excitement Kay's nasally drone remained unchanged.

Walter and the others took an unexpected jog, now heading towards the subway entrance, located under the Grand Army Plaza near the intersection of Fifth Avenue and 60th Street, not far from the Plaza Hotel.

"If they catch a train we'll lose them for sure!" Napoleon snarled..

The agents took the steps leading down to the subway, managing three and four at a time until they reached the platform, feeling a rush of hot air coming from the tracks.

Miraculously no one else was was there. That's when the volley of gunshots began, forcing Solo and Kuryakin to duck behind the staircase.

The daren't return fire with live rounds for fear of injuring Kay, forcing them to switch to sleep darts. Illya managed to hit the driver, sending him to la-la land for now.

Walter called out. "If you come any closer she dies! I swear!"

"We don't want to hurt either of your Walter," Napoleon answered. "Just let the girl go and you can leave, we won't follow you."

"No way! If I don't come back with Kay then I'm a dead man."

"Walter," Kay droned on with that nasal voice of hers."I don't even know you. I thought you were a dull, safe guy. Then you, my teddy bear turned into a wild grizzly. I thought you'd come to get me out of that chrome and gunmetal madhouse, and now you want to kill me? What's wrong with this world?"

"Oh shut up Kay!" Walter snarled. "I didn't put up with that God-awful voice of yours, and your mousy personality all this time just to have you screw things up for me."

"Me screw things up? How did I do that? I'm the innocent here. I didn't do anything wrong, All these people with guns and bombs...it's insane!" She started to cry.

Walter was so absorbed with Kay that he didn't even see Solo and Kuryakin approach. Solo hit him with a dart and down he went. Leaving Kay to melt into Illya's arms.

"Not so much that sadist now, do you think Miss Lorrison?" Illya whispered to her, holding her tight to steady her on her feet.

"So I guess the wedding is off?" Napoleon quipped

"Are you kidding?" Kay looked at him, wide eyed. "Of course! How could I even think of being with a man who was ready to kill me? I'm not that desperate."

Solo called for a clean up crew, taking the men back to headquarters for questioning once they were given an antidote to the sleep darts..

Some time later Napoleon, Illya and Kay were gathered in Waverly's conference room.

"It turns out out that our friend Walter was actually working for Doctor Egret, as Riley had been," Napoleon said. "Miss Lorrison here was merely part of his cover as he'd been watching the entrance to Del Floria's for some time."

"Not for any specific purpose," Illya added. "He watched the comings and goings at U.N.C.L.E. in anticipation of the upcoming Summit. He was Riley's eyes on the outside."

Napoleon chimed in, "Apparently after Miss Lorrison became an inadvertent pawn in Mr. Hemingway's test of our security, she became an asset to Doctor Egret. If in the event Riley didn't make it out, the young lady here knew a good portion of the layout in headquarters."

"Yes, this Doctor Egret was making future plans already," Illya said.

"What about this Egret woman gentlemen? Any news on her where abouts?"

"No sir, after locating her office we found it emptied and abandoned," Illya said.

"Yes, she who fights and runs away lives to invade U.N.C.L.E. headquarters another day," Napoleon quipped.

Illya refrained from rolling his eyes and simply shook his head in response.

"Miss Lorrison," Waverly said." Please, let me apologize again for you involvement in this near debacle. If there's anything we can do…?"

"Do? Well how about a job? Since I already know about the place, working here would be a nice change from my humdrum life wouldn't you say?"

"Oh yes, well ahem," Waverly cleared his throat, "I think that could be arranged."

"Is it always this exciting around here?" Kay asked.

"Not always, no," Illya said.

"Well, a little excitement is good, too much...not so good."

"I'll second that," Napoleon smiled.

"So Mr. Solo," Kay smiled back at him."Are you married?"

Illya was quite amused, looking at his partner's uncomfortable squirming in reaction to Kay's question, though he refrained from overtly smiling…too much.


End file.
